A Mindful Spider
Subconscious beliefs enter our world way before we have any idea how much they can impact our future.
Spiders. I've had my own battle with fears of spiders. Still today I can feel hair raising on the back of my neck as I come near a spider or have one crawl on me - but I push through.
I decided to dive into this fear several years ago as I didn't want these irrational feelings limiting my life anymore. The fear is quite complex as it seems. From the beginning of my life, I can remember playing with spiders. Letting them crawl on me, being very curious about them.
But fast forward in time and I was the complete opposite when around spiders. I was scared for my life. Seriously. What was going on? I would lose my presence and calmness when I came close to a spider - any spider. Fear would rise in my entire body. That fear became truth about the dangers of all spiders. With my rational, every spider must be dangerous if I felt this way!
There were no moments of compassion for spiders either with that fear. And of course, it took the longest stick with the quickest motion to kill an evil spider.
As I moved into the desire to overcome this arachnophobia through touch and patience, a story arrived into my memory. This story is the source of my fear.
In the summer of 1980 - I was nine years old - helping my grandmother in her flower gardens. My younger sister was also helping in the back yard on this warm sunny day. I had found a fantastic spider in one of the gardens. It was a wolf spider. I can still remember feeling the weight and furriness of it as it crawled on my hand. I'd enjoyed playing with spiders and found them to be very interesting.
I still remember my sister standing beside my grandmother wearing a white shirt and blue shorts. I was on the lawn behind the two of them minding my own business watching a wolf spider slowly climb its way around my hand when suddenly, an idea woke inside me! Before the idea could leave my mischievous mind and before my intuition could stop me, I leaped forth to create.
I sneaked over to my sister and with lightening speed pulled the back of her shirt open and dropped the wolf spider into this opening. The world moved in slow motion as I watched the spider grasping for anything as it was falling. I WAS THRILLED!
Although, how the next few moments of life unwound surprised me more than I had ever thought possible. My laughter quickly turned to trauma and shock as my sister screamed so loud and so long, I'd thought she was being killed by the spider. As she was jumping and screaming, I felt her fear move throughout my being. What had I done? Stories started to generate in my mind as my grandmother come over to help my sister tear off her shirt and pants. As my sister calmed down in just her underwear, and as tears streamed down her face, I was getting the look and stern talk from my grandmother.
I never touched a spider for the rest of that summer. Although, I still deeply laugh, and find the event perfectly hilarious, the summer of 1980 witnessed part of my mind accept a story I saw as truth. The following summer I was afraid of spiders.